On top of ski hill at Muikamachi. The pic does not do it justice.

me in upright position = good.


Phil (nice hat mate;), Melissa, me. Three fools who were happy to be cold in the snow.

This weekend I'm heading down to Nagano with Kristi and Ros to see the famous snow monkies and onsen and ryokan and perhaps a temple or castle or two, and maybe hit the slopes, and dropping by Tokamachi snow festival on the way. Whew, living life is hard yo.

I'm trying to decide whether to let go of my Creative Zen Micro mp3 player for an ipod mini.

The creative zen micro is white, the ipod mini will be green and engraved.

There is someone that wants to buy my creative zen right now for $240cdn. The ipod mini will cost around the same.

The battery life is not great for the creative zen, and if I want to keep it I'll most likely need to get another battery for long trips. Ipod batteries I hear are much better and more reliable.

The creative zen looks kinda....blah, just white. But it is very tiny, and has amazing features like FM radio, removable drive (act as a USB key), calender/address book that syncs ONLY with microsoft outlook, and microphone recording, and ability to record off radio.

The ipod I think has very little features in comparison, BUT I am buying an ibook and the ipod will sync seamlessly with my new laptop, where as the creative zen I don't know if even has a software for apple (heard there is a user-created copy floating on the net).

And finally, dad bought me the creative zen micro from Singapore as a birthday present. Even though I can't bear to think of him as my father now it is still something that links me to him...well I suppose we're inevitably linked by blood...but this is the last thing he gave to me. In the same breath, the last time we spoke he was screaming at me that I am a money whore, and that the only reason I don't like him is that he doesn't make enough money and buy me enough gifts. Plus he bought me this for my birthday without buying mom anything for hers (our birthdays are in the same month), so I feel resentful when I look at it. He never apologized, and instead always bought me something like I am a puppy that can be settled by a treat.

Part of me wants to sell this off and use the money to buy what I always wanted before, a green ipod mini. Another part tells me to keep it as soem sort of sad attempt to hold on to affection, or the closest form of affection, that I can ever get from my father.

Vote?

So amidst all the madness I forgot to mention that I am having some kind of a normal social life....is that weird? I feel weird.

Last Saturday went to Wonderland with meals, 14 hours of continuous fun, we even managed to make fun of the mini coopers while waiting 3 hours for the Italian Job, people were stuck inside and they had to use a crowbar to crack them out, and we just wanted to get it over with. It wasn't even THAT great, liar/cheaters. Anything that demands that much of my time better be damn good, or has the guts to live up to equal worth. Italian Job wasn't one (and the walberg on videoscreen talking in that nasal voice over and over again bored me to tears). We went on a bunch of kiddy rides after the long wait and wasted so much money on games, something I always wanted to do! I won a purple care bear, lol, it's tiny but I love it. :) We also got funnel cake...which was heaveness. And these awesome leather bracelets, each with our name on it. Hers is black and mine is white, with a maple leaf stud on it, so when I get to Japan I can be like "I'm grace and I'm from Canada! *point*".

Sunday went by fast at meals' house, with a gracious breakfast, cruising down lakeshore looking at million dollar homes, wandering Oakville downtown with starbucks latte in hand, shopping at club monaco outlet in Heartland...and a perfect FEAST of a buffet at Town & Country, where they had really great NY steak for Father's day. It was kinda ironic that I had a semi-great father's day with someone else's family. I chose not to think about it.

Also met up with Terry who is back from Ireland, and a bunch of old friends from Mac on Tuesday. Jon, Terry, Kap, Erica, Milee and me, we joked that it was a triple date (lol). Dinner @ Wild Orchid, this fantastic Porgegous (spl?) restaurant on the patio, with sangria and grilled mussels to boot! Everyone was laughing and talking like we've never been apart, and for a while I forgot where I was and what was on my mind. Then we went to Demetries in Burlington for dessert and more chatter, convo just flowed like wine, and before we knew it it was midnight under the starry sky, and we parted in sweet sorrow.

Throughout all this no one noticed, or bothered to ask, about my family. I gues it was normal, because I pretended to be normal, and for a brief period I felt normal, so there really was no reason for anyone to ask....still, I felt a bit of guilt afterwards, like, am I really suppose to be having fun given what's going on? How human is it of me to totally compartamenize my feelings, my emotions like this? Fun Grace this hour, serious Grace that hour, laughing Grace today, somber Grace tomorrow, is this even healthy?

Feel like I'm living a double life, and no one knows it. Everyone kept on making fun of how much of a great lawyer I'm going to be....and mean while I think of the lack of nothing that I can do now and with the legal advocate and I laugh, bitterly.

Training this weekend for Japan in Toronto. the facade continues.

Most of my last night's sleep was excellent, wiht an excellent dream (which I won't reveal) until it somehow turned into a nightmare with plots related to the SAW. oh god that word just gave me the shudders, I don't want to relive the details except that it was so scary that it actually woked me up at 7am, in time for my 8:30am, and I didn't attempt to hit the snooze button to go back to bed =/

Ironically, the trigger of this little episode come from the same source that led me to see the movie in the first place. JT also just re proclaimed his love for this nightmare again. Well...at least it's memorable, I'll give it that much.

This was therapeutic! Again I steal this from another person....but you all must do one *ahem meals!*


( 2004 year end list )

Question. How do you get emails when someone replies to your COMMENTS or posts? In my comment setting on the update page, there is default, don't email, and disabled, so does that mean by default I get emails about posts? but I don't....wah?

I luuuuve my new color scheme btw! I finally managed to get purple in there tastefully....EVERYWHERE, hehe :D

My journal is now mutual friends only. If you are a friend and I just don't know it yet, let me know. If you think you could be a friend, let me know as well. Who knows, I may agree with you :)